You know that puzzle piece that seemingly matches every gap you have in your puzzle only to not match flush against the exposed edges? Yes, that is what I am right now—or at least how I feel right now. I have just finished watching the latest episode of Mad Men and it was one of the most stellar episodes this season by far. It’s key to success this week was its clever portrayal of unstated emotion. I could actually feel for the characters which is hard to do in a show like Mad Men where everyone is a jerk, but I loved the conflict. Now, what does this have to do with me feeling like the deceiving puzzle piece? Good question.
Ever since I can remember I have plumb not fit into one group. Like, I don’t know many black people who like Mad Men, understandably. They can’t relate. I can’t either all the time, but that’s not why I watch it. Anyways, I didn’t fit in completely with the black clique in high school, the orch dorks who I played alongside with for 6 years, the fellow ballerinas in the ballet group I was a part of, or the other students in my AP classes and that was just high school. In college I still didn’t fit in with the black clique (yes, it still exists and every race has one in college) and still don’t fit in with the students in my class. Cry me a river. However, when I have presented this first world problem to my fellow peers, they honestly don’t get it…DUH. They ask me why I don’t fit in with the hipsters/blipsters/hippies/foodies. The short answer is because I am just too weird:uncanny: adj. beyond the ordinary or normal and I love to shower, am not apathetic, and wear semi-normal clothing. My longer answer…
1. Yes, I am natural (have not had a black girl perm). This doesn’t mean that I have any affiliation with the Black Panthers, marijuana, or the ever growing trend which shouldn’t have been a trend at all but a way of life. I just like my hair big and beautiful and ridiculously wild. ∴ I don’t necessarily fit in with that drove of black women sporting their newly discovered natural hair. I’ve known mine too long to care what others think of it. 
2. I listen to alternative, neo-soul, not-so-popular hip-hop and at times, retro music. Sue me. No, I don’t have a problem with “black” music…whatever that is or dubstep/pop/radio music. I just don’t always like to listen to how someone will bust it wide open, lay me down, get in that thang, get drank in my cup, or that they’re sexy and they know it. There is a time and place for every song and what plays on the radio is only acceptable when working out or getting white-girl-wasted. ∴ I don’t fit in with the hipsters who are self-proclaimed experts in obscure music. I just like stuff with soul.
3. I love yoga. No, I am not a yuppie wannabe. I just like it. It keeps me flexible post-ballet and relaxes me. ∴ I just don’t fit in with the yoga-goers. I love it, but dang, I do need a run or swim now and then.
4. I love weird healthy foods like vegetables, quinoa, couscous, coconut/soy milk, rice paper wraps, etc. This doesn’t make me some kind of healthy, bougie foodie. I just love fresh, healthy, good-for-your body food. ∴ I don’t fit in with the foodie snobs who only shop at Central Market and Whole Foods. Plus, I love myself some burgers, fried chicken, mac and cheese and french fries.
5. No, I don’t have a “thing” for white guys. (This is something people have been telling me I have…because they know my life) I just have a lot of white guy friends. ∴ I don’t fit in with those black girls who only date white men…yeah…they exist…weird.
6. I don’t like all stereotypical black things. I don’t have to explain this one. You know what they are. At times I feel bad for not liking BET, but then again, who still watches it at this age? I am very excited though for season two of Awkward Black Girl. Gotta love Issa Rae! ∴ I don’t fit in with a specific group of black people.
7. I am not gay. This seems backwards, no? Think about it, though. If I were, I could join the LGBQT groups on campus and find a great community of acceptance and close-minded people would just blame my weirdness on my homosexuality, but I am not. Disclaimer: this not denying the fact that the LGBQT community is getting unjustly and immorally criticized right now. Just take what I am saying, here, at face value. ∴ I don’t it into the LGBQT community.
I know this seems much about race, but when you’re a minority, racial differences matter and they affect the efficacy of fitting in. So, yes, so far, I have only met one other person who is remotely close to me and she is my best friend. Problem solve, but we still talk about how we just can’t seem to find many of the others. When we do, it usually goes along the lines of this:
You’re at some gathering where there is a mixture of races except black people and a group of people come in and there is just one black girl. Not a guy…it’s different with them…not important. For the rest of the gathering, they are your best friend. Well, I have talked wayyyy too much about this subject. Until next time, chao!