Oh my gosh it was been a great month of bumming around and enjoying my family, but onward! It is now time for the third installation of my graduate series.
- People will put you in a box no matter what you have done.
- Misery loves company (a very known fact, but reinforces itself with lifetime progressions). You get negative vibes at the most surprising moments.
- People will use you. Accept that. Help them. It will pay off in the long-run (so people say)
- You have to be happy with yourself. Ultimately you wake up with yourself. It doesn’t matter who you wake up with. They are not responsible for your happiness. So, take care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, etc.
- You have to let go.
I will be conquering the ‘be happy be you!’ portion of this series. I personally deal with this one every day and some days are better than others. In my case, I deal with personal happiness in three areas: my physical appearance, living up to others’ standards, attempting to satisfy others, and trying to live up to my ideal version of my dream. I will break this up into separate posts so you’re not reading so much at one time.
As a girl I feel that this is a big one. I am constantly comparing myself to others and to those who are deemed to have desirable physical attributes. I shame myself at what I look like and deem myself unattractive almost daily. This is extremely unhealthy and it can and it will affect mental and psychological health, however, I do it. I compare my self to her:
and to her:
because they are what is beautiful according to the majority of horny men and women, haha, and to a good chunk of just…everyone. I confess, I would love to be them. I want to have long beautiful hair, be crazy slim and unfortunately I would love to have lighter skin, but that comes with being a dark shade and contrary to belief, this desire is not only a black thing. Then, I shift my view to those are beautiful within my own race and ethnicity like her:
PAUSE!!!!!I am obsessed with Kerry’s pants in this shoot because I am absolutely in love with black and white and grey and I would totally rock them. Actually I would rock all of these outfits like, really!
Back to self loathing…
This isn’t working. Her skin is flawless. Her curves are so much more attractive than mine. AND THEY ARE STILL ABNORMALLY SKINNY. Ugh, I am insatiable. Yes, I know this is all due to heavy editing, but still. Don’t get me started on food. After eating a big meal I die a little on the inside, but my stomach is in delight and my cravings are gone. I try to eat clean but slip every time. When speaking to others, they say, “Well, if you don’t like what you see, change it!”. Thank you, Captain Obvious. I honestly have grown to hate this expression though it rings true. Yes, you change what you don’t like, duh. I unfortunately don’t work that way. My vanity isn’t enough to make me want to change my body. Apparently I am not vain enough to do so.
Another view: “Media needs to put normal people on the front pages of magazines and in photo shoots etc.”. Yes! They do! Show us that normal is beautiful! Give us something that we can achieve! To be cynical, if they did this, would you buy anything they were selling? Eh, maybe. If they showed a normal looking woman advertising let’s say some kind of make-up, would you buy it? Some say yes! Others say no and I say maybe. We want to improve ourselves so showing something that is ourselves is a moot point in trying to sell a product that is supposed to make us “better”, whatever that is. So, now it is up to us. Companies and such give you unattainable beauty to sell something for monetary value or for the sake of vanity or art etc. Thus, it is up to you to define your own beauty. When I am down about my physical appearance, I usually change my diet or try to work-out to try and achieve what those companies and others tell me is beautiful. I usually stop because I am doing it for the wrong reason. I should eat better for my health and not to shrink my waist unless shrinking my waist will improve my health. This goes the same for working out. I should be trying to improve my life and not my appearance, right? Of course all of this is easier said than done and is very self-righteous and lofty , but I try it all the time. Recently I have been getting autoimmune reactions to normal everyday stresses that usually warranted nothing. This scared me. What is going on to my body!? Am I actually starting to develop Lupus? Ah!
“The doctor of the future will no longer treat the human frame with drugs, but rather will cure and prevent disease with nutrition.” – Thomas Edison
This quote is obviously true up to a certain extent, but you catch my drift. I have found my motivation. I need to feed my body good stuff for the sake of my health and for the prevention of anymore autoimmune reactions because trust me, they are kinda scary. Small steps are what will help as well. Like many say, including many of my friends, it’s a lifestyle, not a diet. So, change for a reason that you essentially believe in. Hey, if that is vanity, have at it! Embrace it and excel in it. Be consistent with it (Dad, that was for you). Be it. Now, back to image since that is what this was formerly about…
I like my butt. I love my hair. I love my waist. I love my shoulders. Blah blah blah. In other words, what do you love about yourself? That is what matters. What makes you happy about yourself? Tell yourself what you love because if you wake up hating your love handles every day, that might project onto every day life like your job or school or significant other. You’ll end up hating the world because you hate your love handles. Some suggest saying what you love about yourself physically to a mirror. I find that weird but whatever works! Set your mantra. Execute your mantra. Positive inwards=Positive outwards..somehow.